Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Sleepy, Forgetful and Psycho – these are the seven menopausal dwarves which I have just seen on the internet. I laughed so much at these names that I was sadly reminded that my pelvic floor muscles are now deep in the basement of my body and are no good to me any more.
A friend told me yesterday that PMS is an abbreviation for ‘people make me sick’. Good one. Especially this morning because I am suffering with a swollen nose at the moment. My GP told me it is swollen because I have dandruff (which I don’t) but English is his second language and he wears white lurex socks so I don’t think he meant that.
Anyway, there I was in my slobby food streaked dressing gown eating rice krispies and a banana and reading the Weekend section of the Daily Mail. My nose was slathered in sudocrem that looks like cake icing when it’s on, and then the doorbell rang. In the porch stood my husband and two complete strangers that he had met on the street. They obviously all planned to come in because they had taken their wellies off so I stood back and let them.
The story was that we had pipped these people to the post when we bought our house, and they had pined after it ever since and would love to see what we had done with it. They were supposed to be looking at the kitchen extension and how we’d planted the garden but they spent their entire visit staring at my bulbous white nose.
Then, as they left the man of the couple who was posh and booming told me they must come over again. Not that we must go over to them. Like I said, people make me sick. Which is probably why I have a big sore nose.
