Lisa’s too desperate, Austin is too much of a turn off, Rachel and Vincent should get a room (in a doll’s house), Christine is too forgettable and John is dancing deja vu. I’m warming to Jodie, the dancing tree, and I’m now convinced that nice guy Tom will win. But where is the passion, innit ? I’m not glued anymore and have already started my fantasy dance league for next year’s Strictly. I want Dianne Abbot and Michael Portillo, Peter Andre and Gordon Ramsay as definites but I’m open to suggestions for the rest……
It’s been a busy week. My first born, who is 22, took his dad, aunt, 3 sisters and me, his adoring mum, to The Ivy for dinner last night. This was a BIG night out to celebrate his graduation and (best of all) employment!!!!!! Just pause here whilst his dad and I do a few more high kicks, high fives, lifts and jelly rolls to celebrate that bit of good news………pass me the maracas……
Where was I ? Oh yes, in The Ivy with my hair done, make up (including sparkly eyes) in place and dangly earrings well, dangling. I looked fab and it was four straight 10′s for my excellent mood. The seven of us were having a lorra lorra laughs when I found an unwelcome visitor in my bang bang vegetables. A long black hair. I called over the maitre’d who was appropriately shocked and removed the hair along with the uneaten food.
Determined not to allow the evening to be spoiled we progressed to dessert, baked alalska, yum, which was doused in brandy and set alight at the table. OOOOhs and AAAAAh’s all around. But there were more of those but louder and accompanied by retching when another long (this time blonde) hair was found in the sponge base of my dessert.
The maitre’d was back and said two things that made me ignite baked alaska style. The first was ‘What do you think would be the appropriate thing for The Ivy to do in these circumstances?’ The second , always guaranteed to rocket launch my temper, is “This has NEVER happened before !” I understood that to mean if a diner gets hairy food at The Ivy they can have whatever they want in recompense, but be sure to have a degree of sympathy for them because they dished up contaminated food. I’m mulling over how best to proceed with this one.
My husband, whose food didn’t need a cut and blowdry, made the drole suggestion that The Ivy should herewith be renamed The Hairy.
I would like to add Ross Kemp to the Strictly Fantasy League….
John Sargeant has pulled out of Strictly!
He’s going to dance his last dance this Saturday.
I hope the bill went unpaid at The Ivy – just because they think they are posh they seem to think they can get away with rubbish service. I always find reporting said restaraunt to Environmental Health or a threat to do so focuses their minds…you could try a letter to the owners first…they need to employ a waiter that knows what to do not one that has to ask customers!
Dear Anna,
This was also our very happy day—Renata and I celebrated our 54th Wedding Anniversary—-but not at the Ivy.Two hairs, and no compensation!Alas, Uma and Chris your lovely neighbours came last night to wish us.Can we all get together for a second celebration—but with coruscating pulchritude thrown in.
Enjoyed your book.Recommended it to all at the dentist’s, so expect many more sales.Keep up your excellent writing.