Anna May Mangan's News and Views

All the contestants are desperate to make it to the Tower Ballroom next week but frankly I don’t give a damn because viewing Strictly from Blackpool is like watching two ants dance on a dinner plate.

What Lies Beneath? Not the film, but Ben Cohen. Objectifying him was last night’s Strictly treat as I was, for one week only, cheese and crackerless.

Fiona and Anton’s Paso Doble was as exciting as a soft boiled egg without soldiers. They are such polite dancers.  Anton lost interest by the end of the routine and forgot his steps. They bring out the goldfish in me. Each week  I sit wondering if I have already seen them dance.

Abiash’s Charleston was great, so why don’t I care? It could be because I have seen so much of Abbey’s tongue this series. She does cheeky, nervous, pretend modest, excited and ain’t I cute with her tongue. It’s a perfectly acceptable tongue  but is really  starting to irritate me.

Mark looked like a halloween leftover and did yet another dance where he didn’t move around the  floor. Yvetta danced a ’101 ways to admire my gussett’ routine to try and distract  from the fact that her partner’s legs were  superglued to the floor and he was doing an octopus impression with his arms. Marks dances like a man who is afraid to break sweat.

Susanna and Kevinfromthatboycanwaltz made me want to be right there in his arms on the dance floor in a feather trimmed frock. Their waltz was enough to make Vanessa Feltz weep. With envy.

Dave and Karen’s tango had all the makings of a last dance. I predict he  walking far less than 500 miles tonight…. to the nearest exit. Not only did Dave crucify the routine but he also answered back to the judges. All he had was his charm, and he jettisoned that tonight.

Strictly Shocking! Natalie’s in a wheelchair! And it wasn’t sequinned! She will probably release a statement saying she is working very hard to get well and hope she gets it right.

Ashley and Ola’s quickstep was fast and fun

Sophie EB has beautiful young limbs but still it looked as if Brendan was dancing with a store mannequin. That gorgeous girl is a study in disappointment. Maybe Brendan  could give her a good tickle before she hits the dance floor to rev her up?

Patrick and Anya’s American Smooth had more chucks than lifts. Good job Patrick’s an actor and not  fireman as I wouldn’t want him to fling me over his shoulder atop a high ladder. I did wonder why he didn’t ask Anya if she was alright at the end of their dance after the gal had just flipped, flopped and free-falled over his shoulder.

Could we get Natalie to kiss Brucie and transfer a few germs so he misses a week, too? Liberation from Bruce cheers Tess up no end, and things zip along so much faster when it is just her and Claudia.

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